SWF – Sober White Female 

SWF – Sober White Female 

As most of you know, I’m looking for love. In fact, I’ve been looking for love for a long time but only appear to attract knights in tin foil (shamelessly stolen) instead of the Adonis I deserve. 

Recently, I have felt brave enough to get back on the dating scene completely stone cold sober. This is a whole new concept in itself as previously I would turn up to dates half cut after smoking 10 Marlboro Lights (despite declaring myself a non smoker) & hope they wouldn’t notice. 

The problem with being half cut before the date begins is that the beer goggles are firmly in place by drink 2 with said date & anything goes. I blame alcohol for most of the utterly unsuitable people I had the (dis) pleasure of meeting in the past. This time it will be different. 

When I re-added my online profiles earlier this year, I was adamant that I wanted a totally sober suitor. The thought of dating someone who drank alcohol freaked me out. I was scared in case they got too drunk or if I was tempted to drink or if they smelt of alcohol. Basically overthinking everything as per usual. 

But as time ticked on, I realised that I was probably being unreasonable in my demands. I mean, not everyone drinks to get hammered (like me) plus I had already proven I had an element of self-control & probably wouldn’t be tempted by most ‘manly’ drinks anyway. 

So last week, I embarked on a date in an actual pub. Where they serve actual alcohol. With a date who was drinking beer. And, surprisingly, it wasn’t so bad. He didn’t get drunk & I didn’t feel tempted & I couldn’t smell it. In fact of all the things I’d unnecessarily worried about didn’t come true.

Following the successful first date, we decided to meet up again & I invited said date round for dinner. This was where it got interesting (not like that naughty people) because despite knowing I didn’t drink, he brought a bottle of my favourite red (Malbec) round for himself & a bottle of sparkling water for me. I have to admit that it was a bit of a shock. I hadn’t really thought about someone bringing alcohol into my flat or how I would feel about it. I also had forgotten the wine ‘ritual’ & about my dusty wine glasses & the whole thing felt very alien. But you know what, after the initial weirdness, it wasn’t so bad. I don’t drink & that’s a fact & that was enough for me. 

Unfortunately, I fear this Strong Sober Sister was a little too much for said date & after date 4, I wearily climbed back onto my shelf & kickstarted the search for Mr Right. Again. Except this time I am happy if he likes a tipple or three as I know I’m more than happy on sparkling water. 

#day299

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‘Summer breeze, makes me feel fine’

‘Summer breeze, makes me feel fine’

As Dawn the Drinker, I was well known for getting far too excited, far too early. For example, I’d always get hammered the night before a wedding in anticipation for the next day & generally spend the first few hours at the ceremony feeling like death, propped up against a wall, my face an interesting shade of green.

I was the same with holidays. The night before, whilst packing, I would always indulge in at least a bottle of the white stuff, with the end result being a stonking hangover to travel with. It was also compulsory to have a few large glasses at the airport .. the only thing that would stop me was if the hangover was too severe!

This year, it’s going to be very different. And whilst I’m a little apprehensive, I’m also a little intrigued to feel what it feels like to travel and enjoy a holiday completely sober.Ironically, I’m going to the land of wine, cheese & baguette, a Sober Slimming World persons dream (or nightmare). I’ve been to France many times before however was mainly drunk or eating carbs. It will be interesting to see how the French ‘cope’ with me as not sure the non alcoholic choices are going to be extensive. I’m also interested to know what it feels like to wake up with vigour every day rather than stumbling out of bed, gasping for water.

Historically, I have never moved much on holiday .. mainly to the fridge or the bar .. but this time will be a novelty as I still need to walk 50 miles towards my challenge. I will be packing my trainers for the first time ever & am still getting used to the thought of the essential space they will take up in my minuscule hand luggage. 

And then there’s my holiday money, previously spent on copious amounts of alcohol & cigarettes. I’m still debating how much I’ll need .. it’s like being a born again holiday virgin .. and I’m guessing that this time, I might actually come back with some Euros in my wallet! 

#day222 #bornagainholidayvirgin

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The Grown Up Awkward Teenager

The Grown Up Awkward Teenager

One of the parts of soberdom that I am still not finding easy, is partying in large numbers. I appear to be able to do anything that revolves around food (nothing new there) but really struggle when drinking is the main focus.
This week, I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with parties over the years. I think I’ve mentioned before, that I would always be the last to leave. But now I’m questioning whether that was because I was having such a great time or was just too hammered to even think about leaving.

When we’re young, and invited to a school friends party, there’s always something to keep us entertained. It could be going to an activity centre, or McDonalds or party games. There’s always something ‘to do’.   

In the teenage years, it gets more awkward ‘pre alcohol’. The rigid school discos, where, despite the excitement crescendo beforehand, everyone ends up stood on the perimeter of the dance floor, wooden and scared. Until, five minutes before the end, someone, from deep inside their soul, gains enough confidence to enter the dance floor zone and then all the sheep follow. And the next day, everyone raves about what a great time they had.

Then, in the later teenage years, a new friend ‘alcohol’ joins the throng. And changes the way we party forever. No other activities are required, no one lacks confidence, the dance floor is rammed. We all have the best night ever. Or do we? I certainly never had the best morning after.

Since parting company with alcohol, I feel I’ve reverted back to an awkward pre alcohol teenager. I don’t quite know where to put myself. I’m stood on the perimeter, looking at the dance floor, wishing my confidence would return. Not that I particularly want to dance, I just want to relax, to get into the party mood. But I find it hard on sparkling water. I don’t feel ‘sparkling’. I feel quiet and dull. And these are definitely two words I have never heard used about me.

So where to go from here? It’s a toughy. I could politely decline invitations but that’s just being mean to myself. I have tried the ‘going early, coming home early’, but that just made me mourn my old life. My gut instinct is that I just need to ‘get over myself’ but unsure how to do it!

For now, I’m going to go with the flow and hope my awkward teenager phase passes swiftly. And hope that I locate my confidence and get back on the metaphorical dance floor again. Sober.

#day105 

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