My story is probably similar to a lot of people that struggle with addiction; I was tricked by my own mind.
I thought that I could moderate, but deep down, I knew that alcohol was destroying me physically, mentally and spiritually.
I’d always had a troubled relationship with alcohol, but there was something about it that I couldn’t leave behind. Booze was my trusted companion. I felt more alive when under the influence; more lovable, more desirable, more like the person I wanted to be. I was a binge drinker. I lived for ‘going hard’ at the weekends but as the drinking continued, so did the consequences. Blurred nights, lost phones and wallets, dodgy house parties in even dodgier neighbourhoods, mounting debt, crashing cars, lying, stealing, ruining relationships, hurting people.
I began to question my relationship with alcohol in 2016, after more than ten years of self destruction. With the help of my partner and my counsellor, I started making sustaining broken periods of sobriety here and there.
However, in the summer of 2017, after nearly 6 months sober, I tricked myself once more.
Alcohol had been out of the picture for long enough at that point for those around me to think that I didn’t have a problem. My drinking started out small. A bottle of beer here, a pint there. Then slowly my binge episodes racked up.
On 12 November 2017, I went on a horrific binge that very nearly cost me my relationship. It was the final straw. I had truly surrendered to the power of alcohol.
I asked for help, checked myself into an inpatient programme and spent my Christmas in hospital. It was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. I attended AA meetings, connected with sober people online, listened to podcasts, read books, meditated and expressed gratitude for what I had.
Today, I am nearly ten months sober. I have been on an alcohol free holiday with my loving partner, who stood by my side at my worst. I’ve made new friends in sobriety and have been able to listen and offer advice to friends who want to live a sober life. I have set up a meet up group for women in Dublin (see link below) who are looking for friends in recovery. I am developing better relationships with my partner, family and friends.
Things aren’t always rosy but I am much more content than I ever was before, especially during the depths of my addiction.
I hope my story resonates with others.
Here’s a phrase I embrace every day
‘The opposite of addiction is community and togetherness’
Believe me, it’s true ❤️
Written by Ann-Marie, edited by Sober Fish
DUBLIN MEET UP
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CLICK HERE TO BUY ‘YOU LEFT EARLY’ BY LOUISA YOUNG
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CLICK HERE TO BUY ‘THE UNEXPECTED JOY OF BEING SOBER’ BY CATHERINE GRAY
CLICK HERE TO BUY ‘THE BIG BOOK OF YES’ FEATURING MY OWN STORY