I’ve been thinking about my dating demands, about whether I’m cruel for writing someone off for not understanding sobriety by asking ‘can’t you just have the one?’. And my conclusion is no, not cruel but realistic.
When I decided to give up alcohol for a year, I had no idea that it would even change the type of person I was looking for. To be honest, I’d always scrolled through non drinkers believing them to be weird or mad. I mean, they say never trust a sober person right? I deliberately hunted down a party animal, someone who didn’t mind smoking, someone who had no off switch. I didn’t want to meet someone put off by Marlboro Light breath or who would put me in my box at midnight or God forbid didn’t partake at all.
And that’s what I got. Mahoosive party animals with no off switch. Enablers in my own personal party. And in turn, I enabled them to have the time of their lives.
But now that has to change. I have to scroll through that glint in the eye, that photo holding a magnum of champagne, that group shot of bug eyed boys out on the town. I’m looking for the quieter ones, the ones who do more at a weekend than shove 10 pints down their neck, who enjoy more than lazing around under their duvet watching Match of the Day.
I’m looking for someone with spirit, who has had the balls to admit and agree alcohol is as damaging as I’ve proved it is. I’m looking for someone who understands my mad morning walking and the fact I turn into a pumpkin at 10pm and that an afternoon in the pub to me is as exciting as an afternoon in a mortuary.
One of the biggest problems I see online is unsupportive partners, of people desperate to be sober but whose partners insist on buying them alcohol because they are too frightened to see their partner change. I have no intention of going into a relationship where a. I may be tempted to drink or b. My partner already thinks sobriety is ‘just’ an option or c. The person thinks they can change me.
Through this blog, sobriety has become my life, my passion, my baby. It will not & cannot be compromised by anyone else and for that reason I shall continue to discard anyone who doesn’t ‘get it’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m willing to discuss & educate before dismissing but there are some people who will never understand this way of life and they’re not for me. So for now, I shall continue swiping and hope that Mr Sober Fish is out there hopefully swiping right on me.