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Starting over is hard. Undoing all the habits that have taken a lifetime to put in place is no mean feat. You have to slowly replace the old habits with new and that also takes time.
Sobriety is like putting on the right clothes but wearing them in the wrong situation. You like the clothes & know they look great but they just feel weird. Out of place. You feel weird. Everyone thinks you’re weird.
But actually, eventually, everyone gets used to your clothes & starts to accept that you choose to wear different clobber. In fact, other people start to buy clothes like you. You don’t feel so weird anymore. In fact, you become a trend setter, a pioneer in being different.
Habits are hard to break. If something has taken 20 odd years to become a habit, it won’t be easy to unravel.