If wine were a donut …

If wine were a donut …

I don’t know about you but donuts are not something I buy myself. I don’t crave them. I don’t look at them in a shop and think ‘oooo, I’d love a donut’ or eat my dinner and then think ‘a donut would finish that off nicely’.

In fact, the only time I ever ate donuts or bought donuts, was for birthdays in the large organisations I worked at. Donuts were the ‘go to’ cake because they were cheap and plentiful but they also have an awful reputation; donuts are fattening and donuts are the devil.

Most slimming clubs I’ve attended (and there’s been quite a few) have continued the ‘donuts are bad’ theme. I’ve often heard the consultants say ‘think of it like a donut’ and the trembling dieter, ashamed and a pound heavier, would immediately resort to bingeing lettuce.

When you first start a diet, enthusiasm is high. There you are, measuring out muesli and counting cashews; the ‘dash’ of milk in your tea being considered like your life depended on it. ‘Would you like a biscuit with that Mavis?’ .. ‘oh I couldn’t possibly, Vera, I’ve got weigh in in 5 days time but thank you’.

Until Friday night comes and it’s time for a treat. It’s time to let loose. It’s time to reward yourself for all that counting and measuring. It’s time to splash the syns/points/donuts like you’ve never splashed before.

And so you pop to the shop and you buy yourself a nice bottle of wine, which is the equivalent of approximately 3 donuts.

Let’s pause here for a minute and transform wine into a donut.

So on week 1 of your diet, after measuring anything that goes near your mouth for several days, you pop to the shop and you buy yourself 3 donuts. Imagine.

And if we’re being really honest, you probably not just pick up 3 donuts, it’s probably more like 6. That’s right. You stop and pick up a 6 pack of donuts.

Then, armed with your ‘treat’, you return home and after eating a carefully calculated dinner, you crack open the wine (donuts) and binge with gay abandon, after all you deserve it right?

And let’s be really really honest. The wine (donut) habit is highly unlikely to occur just one time in a week; it’s probably a few times a week. Which means 2 or 3 BAGS of donuts a week. Every week.

And we wonder why we get fat, stay fat, get fatter and become disillusioned with trying to lose weight.

I never ‘counted’ wine. Never. My view was that it was liquid and couldn’t possibly ‘stick’, unlike a donut which would attach itself straight to my already lardy arse. Wine was a treat. Wine was deserved. If I lost weight, I drank a bottle. If I put on weight, I drank 2. ‘There you go stupid body, that’ll learn ya’.

I never saw the correlation that it was possibly the wine (and the hangover food) that was making me fat. I never saw wine as a donut.

Isn’t it strange that while slimming clubs happily destroy the reputation of a donut, they strangely promote drinking alcohol like it’s a necessity to staying alive? You rarely hear ‘save your points/syns for a donut’. Hell no. But save your points/syns for beverage? Of course!

My dream is that slimming clubs stop promoting alcohol as something acceptable on a calorie controlled diet but that’s as likely to happen as me winning the lottery.

And I don’t play the lottery.

Written by Sober Fish

#Day651

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Guest blog ‘Get Sober and Start Living’ by Stephen

Guest blog ‘Get Sober and Start Living’ by Stephen

It’s been 18 years since I had my last drink and sometimes it’s easy to forget how difficult this journey has been for my loved ones and me.

Most of my drinking career involved a conscious effort at ‘mindful drinking’, if that’s what you want to call it. I started drinking from a very young age, let’s say 14, and I drank to get drunk. It was always premeditated, which was a recipe for disaster, and came with lots of consequences.

My life has been a colourful one and although it was lots of fun in the early days, I often put myself and others in unnecessary and sometimes dangerous situations like when I lost my driving license. Let’s just say I was a bit of a nuisance when under the influence.

When I was 20, I was very fortunate to have met Dee Dee, the love of my life. I probably owe my life to her. Despite putting her through hell back, she persevered with me and helped me to become the man I am today. Sober!!!

My first attempts at ‘mindful drinking’ began the day my beautiful son, Joseph, was born. As soon as I held this little bundle of joy in my arms, I knew things would have to change. My wife transformed from my bestie and playmate, to a responsible and loving mother however, when I should’ve become more supportive, I did the complete opposite and went off the rails.

I suppose you could say my mindful era was just me trying to grow up, and without the support of my wife and kids I am pretty certain I would never have achieved sobriety and probably would no longer be on this Earth.

I tried many things to reduce my drinking. For example, I would buy a nice bottle of red wine, which we could enjoy with our food, but a couple of glasses each wouldn’t satisfy me so I started to buy a larger bottles.

Or I would stop drinking dark spirits and stick to a clear spirit like vodka because I was told didn’t have an alcoholic smell. Hmmmm.

We then agreed that I would only drink on holiday, which as you can imagine didn’t end up the best of memories for them or me.

I often found that if I had two drinks (which was never enough), things would be ok. The third drink was always my turning point. The point of no return, when all the bets were off.

I was at my worst and unhappiest from the age of 28 when my gorgeous daughter Imogen was born and age 30, when I finally decided I had had enough. I had pushed my wife and I to the brink and she was on the verge of leaving me. I couldn’t blame her.

So, after many attempts at mindful drinking, abstaining, and falling off the wagon, I finally surrendered. I realised that drinking wasn’t a possibility for me. It was no one else’s suggestion; this was my decision. I checked myself into rehab and have been alcohol free ever since.

What I have learnt on my journey is that mindful drinking is not an option for me. Drinking almost destroyed my whole life.

Alcohol brought me no benefits and since giving up, I face life on life’s terms. I have dealt with a lot of my demons, which I suppose were my triggers, and most importantly am still happily married to my wife.

Recently, I set up my own soft drinks company called Chillio Ltd, which produces Chilli and fruit blended drinks designed to awaken your senses through a natural endorphin release that replaces the need for alcohol. These premium all natural blends have been designed for the non-drinker who still enjoys a quality. I would never have achieved this if I were still drinking.

My one bit of advice I would like to give is this.

If mindful drinking isn’t working for you, get help and stop drinking completely. Get sober and start living your life ❤️

Written by Stephen, edited by Sober Fish

Twitter @StephenLaurie12

Instagram/Facebook @StephenLaurie1970

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Guest blog ‘Life On The Other Side’ by Emma

Guest blog ‘Life On The Other Side’ by Emma

Hello, my name is Emma, I’m 43 years young and I started living on the 23rd October 2016.

I’d been drinking on all different levels since the age of 13. It started with just sips of beer or Thunderbirds, but I already knew that I enjoyed the feeling of being tipsy.

When I was 13, I was sexually abused by someone I loved and trusted. Life was never the same again and drinking helped to blot out the awful memories.

My binge drinking really gathered momentum from age 16 when I was at college. Most people in my friendship group loved a drink so I believed that was the norm. I was the party animal, always getting completely annihilated and more often than not, my night ended in tears.

When I was 18, I decided to travel the Middle East and become a volunteer on a Kibbutz. They were some of my best years of my life however most nights involved heavy drinking.

I was the girl who let her hair down, the joker, the piss head. The attention was always on me and everyone preferred it that way. I woke up sad, embarrassed and very anxious nearly every day and being away from home meant I didn’t have the reassurance or comfort from my mum that I so needed. I felt isolated.

I decided to stay in Israel for a longer period. I was feeling tired and piling on weight so decided to try and moderate my alcohol intake. My moderating worked on most nights and I limited my drinking to Thursday and Friday nights (disco nights) but boy did I make up for it when I did!

After being in Israel for about 5 years, I decided to go home and be responsible … or so I thought. I met a man, bought my first house and settled down into a very toxic relationship . It consisted of drink and drugs, very late nights and massive come downs.

When we decided to break up, I felt so alone and spent most nights drowning in my own self pity. It was around this time that I decided to quit booze and drugs completely for the first time and felt much healthier, both mentally and physically . I was in a better place . This lasted for around 6 months, but once again, I thought I could moderate.

In 2003, I met my soul mate, Steve. He was a police officer so my life changed dramatically for the better. The drinking was under control however the wine witch was always around still questioning my decisions.

In 2004, we married and in 2006 we moved area and became parents to Isabella. It was pure happiness! I was finally a mummy so knew that I had to be responsible. I continued to moderate but was eating lots and piling on the pounds.

In 2009, our lives changed dramatically. We hit rock bottom financially and nearly lost everything. It was an absolute nightmare. We lost certain friends, we couldn’t go out and we were so unhappy. Steve was working day and night to keep a roof over our heads and I started self medicating with the left over bottles of Cava from our wedding. I was lonely, overweight and my anxiety was through the roof. Memories of the past kept coming back; we were broken and broke.

One lonely night, I was so sad that I decided to call Alcoholics Anonymous for some advice and went along to a meeting the next day. Sadly AA wasn’t for me but it was where I met Jo who was a lovely girl, but dependant on alcohol.

I stopped drinking for a while but didn’t go to any other meetings. I remained in contact with Jo and tried to be a support to her on the phone as her family had disowned her due to drinking.  Once again I started to moderate but kept my distance from Jo as she was so vulnerable.

That summer, my mum decided to take my daughter and I on holiday. I really needed this break however was a little reluctant as Jo had started drinking again and I was so worried to leave her. But I did.

Once we returned back from our holiday, I tried to call Jo but there was no answer. I went straight to her flat and I knew she was home as I could see her glasses  on the coffee table. Worried, I called the police only to receive the devastating news that Jo had passed away a few days earlier. I felt so guilty and blamed myself so continued to drink. You would think Jo’s death would’ve been the wake up call I needed but we need to make our own decisions and find our own journey. Jo had decided on hers and so I continued mine.

After Jo died, I had a few alcohol free stints. I did boot camp challenges for 12 weeks, Dry January, etc, so I knew I could be sober but just chose not to be.

A couple of years later we were in a much better place financially and decided to try for another baby but it just wasn’t happening. It left us sad, deflated and unhappy.

On New Years Eve 2013, we went to a family party and both got very drunk. My mother and brother said some harsh words to us which really hurt me and so I knew things had to change. When we woke up on New Years Day, we decided not to drink anymore and it was life changing. The positivity returned and soon we fell pregnant. We were over the moon! Herbie was born in April 2015. We were so happy; he was our little miracle.

In July 2015, as I approached my 40th birthday, I felt old, ugly, and fat; the wine witch thought she deserved some more of the limelight and so the arguments in my head started again! I managed to keep her at bay for my 40th birthday and had a lovely time celebrating with my close friends and family.

A few weeks later, I really wanted to try moderation again and was successful for quite some time, only drinking on special occasions and sticking to Prosecco. I thought that if I just stuck to one type of drink, I’d be ok! What a joke! My mum was so disappointed with the decision but I reasoned it was my life, not hers.

On 22 October 2016, I went to a friends 50th birthday party with my daughter Izzy (now age 10). I’d promised everyone I would behave and not drink too much but the truth of the matter is I got totally wasted!

I couldn’t remember past 10pm. The following day was our 13th wedding anniversary and I woke up feeling hungover, guilty, sad, and scared and rushed into Izzys bedroom to make sure she was there. She was, thank God, and with mixed emotions she then went on to tell me about the night before.

This was the pinnacle, the final straw, the decision maker.

The 23 October 2016 was the beginning of my new life. I can truly say it has been the best time! It’s not always easy but what is? My husband has also joined me on my alcohol free journey and without him, who knows where my path would have led me?

The support from my friends and family has been fabulous. This time, I chose to read self help books, attended a CBT Course and received 1-1 counselling which helped me so much. 3 months into sobriety, I stumbled across Club Soda (see link below) & Team Sober UK and the rest is history!

I finally realised I wasn’t alone.

I went on to meet Dawn and followed her blog The Sober Fish Story. I had found my sober tribe.

At 15 months sober, Laura from Club Soda asked if I wanted to give an interview for a national newspaper (see link below) about my journey as a sober mummy. This was a real turning point in my sober journey; to hold myself accountable and be open and honest with everyone.

That was it. I was out.

The response was just amazing. I received so much support and praise from friends, family and complete strangers. Being honest with everyone helped me so much. It is so important to be honest with yourself and everyone around you .

I wasn’t physically dependant on alcohol but I also couldn’t moderate. Trying to moderate was one big rollercoaster ride for me and my family and now I’m sober, I am free.

Next month, I will celebrate my 2 year Soberversary and let me tell you, life is really is better on the other side ❤️

Written by Emma, edited by Sober Fish

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https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/5335300/mum-tells-how-her-drinking-one-glass-of-wine-to-relax-spiralled-out-of-control/amp/

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Guest blog ‘The Tricks of the Mind’ by Ann-Marie

Guest blog ‘The Tricks of the Mind’ by Ann-Marie

My story is probably similar to a lot of people that struggle with addiction; I was tricked by my own mind.

I thought that I could moderate, but deep down, I knew that alcohol was destroying me physically, mentally and spiritually.

I’d always had a troubled relationship with alcohol, but there was something about it that I couldn’t leave behind. Booze was my trusted companion. I felt more alive when under the influence; more lovable, more desirable, more like the person I wanted to be. I was a binge drinker. I lived for ‘going hard’ at the weekends but as the drinking continued, so did the consequences. Blurred nights, lost phones and wallets, dodgy house parties in even dodgier neighbourhoods, mounting debt, crashing cars, lying, stealing, ruining relationships, hurting people.

Hurting myself.

I began to question my relationship with alcohol in 2016, after more than ten years of self destruction. With the help of my partner and my counsellor, I started making sustaining broken periods of sobriety here and there.

However, in the summer of 2017, after nearly 6 months sober, I tricked myself once more.

Alcohol had been out of the picture for long enough at that point for those around me to think that I didn’t have a problem. My drinking started out small. A bottle of beer here, a pint there. Then slowly my binge episodes racked up.

On 12 November 2017, I went on a horrific binge that very nearly cost me my relationship. It was the final straw. I had truly surrendered to the power of alcohol.

I asked for help, checked myself into an inpatient programme and spent my Christmas in hospital. It was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. I attended AA meetings, connected with sober people online, listened to podcasts, read books, meditated and expressed gratitude for what I had.

Today, I am nearly ten months sober. I have been on an alcohol free holiday with my loving partner, who stood by my side at my worst. I’ve made new friends in sobriety and have been able to listen and offer advice to friends who want to live a sober life. I have set up a meet up group for women in Dublin (see link below) who are looking for friends in recovery. I am developing better relationships with my partner, family and friends.

Things aren’t always rosy but I am much more content than I ever was before, especially during the depths of my addiction.

I hope my story resonates with others.

Here’s a phrase I embrace every day

‘The opposite of addiction is community and togetherness’

Believe me, it’s true ❤️

Written by Ann-Marie, edited by Sober Fish

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Guest blog ‘Learning Alcohol No Longer Serves Me’ by Karolina

Guest blog ‘Learning Alcohol No Longer Serves Me’ by Karolina

I can count back at least five years where I consciously knew I wasn’t entirely happy drinking alcohol. I didn’t know this when I was planning winery getaways or brewery hangouts. I didn’t know this come every weekend when I drank, because, well, it was the weekend and wasn’t that just what everyone did?

I only knew this during the very still and quiet times, in whispers and glimmers. I knew it when I woke up once again with a dull headache. I knew it when I let myself down and felt my self-esteem crumbling. I knew it as I journaled that surely I was meant for more than this merry-go-round.

One of the scientific effects of alcohol is that it makes you sad and anxious but everything in my life was so amazing. I was a happy person. I didn’t drink alcohol to drown my sorrows or use it to relieve my stress. I drank socially or as a weekend treat so why was alcohol becoming my Achilles heel? What was I doing wrong? I was slowly becoming someone that I couldn’t identify with and at times, actively hated.

It wasn’t like I could just quit; that would scream to the world that I’m an alcoholic, which is the last thing I would ever admit to. My drinking was fairly normal for my age and lifestyle. I only drank around the weekend and kept it under one hand’s fingers. Anyways, adults drink, that is a requirement of life isn’t it?

With all this internal turbulence, I was pretty excited to try Dry January. It was a movement people! Finally, I had a solid excuse to try an alcohol free life without having to tell people I had a ‘problem’.

I couldn’t wait. I was going to reset, get healthy, and learn new mindful drinking habits. I would then return to my Friday night treat with new determination, new rules, a new understanding of how much alcohol makes me feel happy and how much was too much. I was going to have this thing solved.  I was going to be new person.

Dry January was incredible. I slept amazingly well, lived healthier, devoured books, and felt so much appreciation and gratitude. I enjoyed myself doing the simplest things like playing board games with my husband and goofing around with my niece. I learned that I could hang out with my closest friends without drinking and still have fun. I felt like myself; there were no masks, no internal shame was smothering me; it was just me learning to be awake and alive.

February arrived and I realised I wasn’t really looking forward to drinking again. But, I knew I would return to it. It reminded me of being on vacation and experiencing the most profound realization that our time on earth is short and every moment should be seized. But then you come home, wake up on Monday morning and go the job you hate, because, well, that’s life. You need a job to live and you need to drink to survive right?

During February, I drank nine times and I hated each and every time.

I was proud of my first weekend drinking. I had two and a half beers on Friday night over a long boozy dinner and then only two beers on Saturday night. Wow. This was it! I could finally moderate! Dry January had really worked it’s magic! But I disliked the feeling when the social part of the night was over and I came home to my nightly routine. I hated feeling buzzed when I was trying to read and journal. I hated how I felt in the morning after a ridiculously restless sleep compared to the sleeping beauty slumber I had grown used to.

The following week I went to Las Vegas. For the first few days, I only had one drink per day, but by Saturday and Sunday I was ready to let loose. I had about 4-5 drinks on each of those days and it was the very last time I got drunk. I remember having a drink at the bar and feeling upbeat and having fun talking to my husband. Then we left to get a taxi to go to the hotel and suddenly my feelings of frustration and impatience were through the roof! WHERE was the taxi? WHERE was the bathroom? I’d only had one drink and was acting like the world owed me a favour! Later, I saw an award-winning acrobatic show and felt complete and utter apathy. Only a few weeks ago I was mesmerized by trees and clouds. What was going on?

By the time I was on the plane home, I felt such a dull ache in my heart. In fact, half-drunk and half-hating myself, I ordered Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind (https://amzn.to/2PXLvvV) to read when I got back.

On the last weekend in February, I drank alcohol for the last time. On the Friday, we were out for date night and I had two beers. I then started arguing with my husband because I was being sentimental and wanted his undivided attention while he was trying to normally cross the road. That wouldn’t have happened if I was sober.

The next night and very last time I ever drank, I had half a bottle of wine while watching a movie and playing a game. The movie sucked and I wasn’t really into the game. I didn’t like the taste of the alcohol and it wasn’t giving me a nice warm buzz. I had to force myself to drink my two and half glasses until my last sip when the buzz appeared and feelings of the alcohol “chase” kicked in. This sucked. Drinking alcohol sucked.

I decided to do another thirty days without it. I was relieved to start again. The heavenly sleep! Maybe I could live my whole life this way? Drink a little, take a thirty-day break? Except that when I got to the end, magical things happened. I was riding such a pink cloud, such a burst of happiness, I felt so giddy like I was falling in love.

Thirty days turned into sixty days. I had completely new experiences and traveled to New Orleans, Boston, and Hawaii all sober. I watched sunrises. I swam with fish and rode bikes along the coast.  I went to birthday parties—I felt so happy I wouldn’t wake up with a hangover compared to the people around me. Smug even. I started writing again. My lifelong dream was to write more, but I used to have the worst writer’s block.

I had started to become the person I had always wanted to be.

I had an upcoming vacation and thought surely I would drink then. I had planned a trip to Japan when I was still drinking and for me traveling always meant experiencing the local drinking culture, like going to sake breweries and having Japanese beer in izakayas. But when I got there, I just knew the waves of gratitude, appreciation and good feelings would go away the moment I had a drink. I would feel pretty low having to restart my clock. And for what? A beer that I’ve had like 5,000 times in my life before? Been there, done that. I didn’t drink. And guess what, for all that culture I thought I was missing out on? I did get to have beer in an izakaya—non-alcoholic beer is everywhere in Japan. I came home knowing I was not going to drink for a year, then a year in my mind turned into two, and then I finally decided to not drink ever again. This life was too good to ever give up.

Not drinking alcohol has led to the most amazing shifts in my life. I love myself again. I am proud of my decisions and lifestyle. I feel tremendous happiness and gratitude most of the time. Euphoric really. Sometimes I feel low too, but instead of numbing myself, I let myself feel low, and come out of that with more resilience. I am so confident in my decision to go alcohol-free. It’s the tipping point to everything I have always wanted in my life. I am finally on the trajectory I was meant to be on and getting to know the person I was meant to be. Life is so much bigger than drinking alcohol every weekend.

You don’t have to drink A LOT to feel that alcohol is holding you back from your fullest potential.

You don’t have to feel embarrassed about examining your relationship with alcohol—it is the most life-affirming thing you can do.

You don’t have to decide to quit drinking forever to try and experience the perks of an alcohol-free lifestyle.

You don’t have to label yourself and throw yourself a pity party that you can’t drink anymore.

Alcohol is sleep-interrupting cancer-giving brain-altering depression-producing fulfillment-robbing confidence-faking substance that makes you look old, greasy, fat, and sad.

I am thrilled I don’t have to drink it anymore.

Written by Karolina Rzadkowolska, edited by Sober Fish

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Guest blog ‘The Myth Of Moderation’ by Lauren

Guest blog ‘The Myth Of Moderation’ by Lauren

My name is Lauren, I’m 37 years old and I got sober in May 2017 after binge drinking for 20 years.

I started partying when I was still in high school, getting drunk on the weekends and that continued into my adult life. I always justified my binge drinking because I didn’t drink at home and wasn’t a daily drinker. I thought getting blackout drunk 2-3 days a week was normal because all my friends did it too. Ha! Turns out the joke was on me! The truth is that it’s not normal and has caused a great deal of pain throughout my life.

About 4 years ago, my son started using drugs, got arrested and quit school. He was 15 years old. It was a big wake up call for me and I tried to cut back on my social time to be at home more. That worked on and off but my circle of friends didn’t change and they normalized our behavior.

In January 2017, I hit my rock bottom. My son was in jail for the 4th time, my daughter had started to shut down emotionally, I was in another abusive relationship, was super overweight and absolutely miserable.

I had decided I was done.

To prepare for sobriety, I prayed, read my bible, journaled and started exercising but still kept drinking. As I was attempting to get my life together, my son entered rehab for the 3rd time. Seeing him begin the restoration process and hearing some hard truths about how my behavior has affected him was all I needed to sober up.

I finally quit drinking on 6 May 2017.

My children and I went through a lot of counseling which really improved our communication and relationships. For the first time, my life started to shift in a positive direction. God was moving mountains.

Sobriety allowed me to see life like I never had before. It was painful at times but mostly beautiful. My daughter and I moved to the beach for a fresh start and to have somewhere for my son to live once he was finished with his rehab.

Unfortunately, I became a little too comfortable with my sobriety and tricked myself into thinking moderation was actually a possibility. This was amusing because I do very little in moderation! I started having a drink here and there with friends but made sure I didn’t get drunk. I hadn’t told anyone the extent of the damage my drinking has caused in life.

I most definitely didn’t tell my children I was drinking occasionally again; hiding my behaviour should’ve been the huge red flag I needed but I ignored it. My son moved to be with us in May 2018 but relapsed almost immediately. It transpired he’d been using beforehand but i didn’t know.

I didn’t understand why or how?! I was sad, disappointed and started spending a little more time with friends. I quickly relapsed. Opening the door to moderation quickly turned into me drowning out the pain and chaos with alcohol. Old habits and behavior confirmed what I had been denying; I am an alcoholic. The pain I felt and disappointment I saw in my children was all I needed to get sober.

I’ve now been sober since Aug 6, 2018 and use my faith and Celebrate Recovery as my help and accountability. My son has moved out; I’m praying he gets clean. I am not my addiction. I am human & will strive to be a better one day after day. Addiction is so real but so is restoration, grace & mercy.

Written by Lauren, edited by Sober Fish

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