Guest blog ‘The Myth Of Moderation’ by Lauren

Guest blog ‘The Myth Of Moderation’ by Lauren

My name is Lauren, I’m 37 years old and I got sober in May 2017 after binge drinking for 20 years.

I started partying when I was still in high school, getting drunk on the weekends and that continued into my adult life. I always justified my binge drinking because I didn’t drink at home and wasn’t a daily drinker. I thought getting blackout drunk 2-3 days a week was normal because all my friends did it too. Ha! Turns out the joke was on me! The truth is that it’s not normal and has caused a great deal of pain throughout my life.

About 4 years ago, my son started using drugs, got arrested and quit school. He was 15 years old. It was a big wake up call for me and I tried to cut back on my social time to be at home more. That worked on and off but my circle of friends didn’t change and they normalized our behavior.

In January 2017, I hit my rock bottom. My son was in jail for the 4th time, my daughter had started to shut down emotionally, I was in another abusive relationship, was super overweight and absolutely miserable.

I had decided I was done.

To prepare for sobriety, I prayed, read my bible, journaled and started exercising but still kept drinking. As I was attempting to get my life together, my son entered rehab for the 3rd time. Seeing him begin the restoration process and hearing some hard truths about how my behavior has affected him was all I needed to sober up.

I finally quit drinking on 6 May 2017.

My children and I went through a lot of counseling which really improved our communication and relationships. For the first time, my life started to shift in a positive direction. God was moving mountains.

Sobriety allowed me to see life like I never had before. It was painful at times but mostly beautiful. My daughter and I moved to the beach for a fresh start and to have somewhere for my son to live once he was finished with his rehab.

Unfortunately, I became a little too comfortable with my sobriety and tricked myself into thinking moderation was actually a possibility. This was amusing because I do very little in moderation! I started having a drink here and there with friends but made sure I didn’t get drunk. I hadn’t told anyone the extent of the damage my drinking has caused in life.

I most definitely didn’t tell my children I was drinking occasionally again; hiding my behaviour should’ve been the huge red flag I needed but I ignored it. My son moved to be with us in May 2018 but relapsed almost immediately. It transpired he’d been using beforehand but i didn’t know.

I didn’t understand why or how?! I was sad, disappointed and started spending a little more time with friends. I quickly relapsed. Opening the door to moderation quickly turned into me drowning out the pain and chaos with alcohol. Old habits and behavior confirmed what I had been denying; I am an alcoholic. The pain I felt and disappointment I saw in my children was all I needed to get sober.

I’ve now been sober since Aug 6, 2018 and use my faith and Celebrate Recovery as my help and accountability. My son has moved out; I’m praying he gets clean. I am not my addiction. I am human & will strive to be a better one day after day. Addiction is so real but so is restoration, grace & mercy.

Written by Lauren, edited by Sober Fish

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Guest Blog ‘The Story of the Serial Quitter’ by lovely Jan

Guest Blog ‘The Story of the Serial Quitter’ by lovely Jan

I am sitting on the toilet seat in my bathroom, looking at my husband who is crouched down on the floor in front of me. He’s got a tea towel in his hand which he’s holding against the side of my head and he’s talking to somebody on the phone. I think he’s talking about me but I’m struggling to work out what’s going on. Why’s he in here? Who is he talking to? Why does the bath look like a scene from Psycho??!!

Three years ago, after a family Sunday lunch and far too much red wine, I fell over in the bathroom and smashed my head against the tiled wall. I didn’t feel it and couldn’t remember exactly what had happened until two weeks later when it all came back to me in some hideous Hollywood-style flashback.

I felt incredibly ashamed. I work in Emergency Services and am more than aware of the cost of time-wasters (which is exactly how I saw myself). My accident was totally unnecessary, caused by my inability to stop drinking once I’ve started.

I wasn’t always like this. As a teenager, I wasn’t really fussed about alcohol. I never tried to buy a drink underage, partly because I looked like a 12 year old boy until my mid twenties but mostly due to a complete lack of interest!

In my twenties, I would drink from time to time, but my social life revolved mostly around music and I would quite happily drive to gigs. I don’t remember ever needing to drink to be sociable. In my mind, the two things just weren’t really connected. Even though I wasn’t blessed with a great deal of self confidence or self esteem, I never used alcohol as confidence booster……..until I did.

Fast forward to my mid thirties when I met my now husband and we soon moved in together. We used to buy wine from our local shop – three bottles of red for a tenner. These three bottles would last us all week, no problem, and often, we would even have half bottles left over!

My husband has two sons who lived with their mother but spent weekends and holidays with us. My relationship with the boys was good and being a stepmum was generally very rewarding but could be challenging at times. The main issue was that their mother would take every opportunity to try and damage my relationship with them, mostly by rewarding them for behaving badly around me. I never retaliated but at times it was very difficult to cope with.

In the early days of our relationship, we took the boys to Spain for a holiday. We had a good time but the efforts of their mother had made things more difficult than they needed to be which affected the boys’ behaviour and made me feel quite stressed, insecure and at times, very on edge. So, I took the edge off with wine! I didn’t get drunk but would have a drink on and off throughout the day and evening and it just made the whole situation much easier to deal with.

After that holiday my drinking habits changed slowly but surely and soon it became the norm to drink most days. It became apparent that I’d broken my own off switch!

After several years of this habitual drinking, I started to notice that it wasn’t so much fun anymore. There were some incidents and arguments that were entirely down to my level of intoxication and were becoming more frequent. Then came the bathroom accident where it transpired I had split a vein on my head, wasted everyone’s time at A&E and was told by the doctor that if I’d have hit it a centimetre lower I would probably be dead.

So for the next two years I was much more mindful of my drinking. There were occasions I would still have too much and do or say something regrettable but not as frequently as before. I even managed to stay alive! Great! Well done me! BUT it was fucking exhausting! A constant battle to keep it in check.

Last year I became so tired of constantly thinking about drinking that I decided it had to be easier to ditch it altogether. What I was doing wasn’t ‘mindful’; it was a constant mental battle with myself and I’d had enough.

From July through to the end of September I was alcohol free. There were odd moments where I missed it but generally it was easy. I felt better. I looked better and all my relationships seemed easier and calmer. So you know what I did don’t you? I thought I must be cured and so on 1st October I had a drink. Then a week later I had two drinks. Then four days later……I don’t need to tell you, do I? It took about three weeks and I was back to square one. I still massively regret being such a twat and listening to what I now understand to be the voice of addiction, the devious little fucker!

After that I struggled to find the mindset to start again until the 16th June this year, when my wonderful husband said the magic words…. ‘do you fancy doing 100 days alcohol free with me?’ Do I? Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?? YES! YES I DO!!

My husband is mad keen cyclist and is training for a major event, which at the time, was 100 days away. So, on 17th June, we both ditched the poison and we dived straight into life without it. Whatever has come our way, we’ve done it without alcohol. No excuses. And here we are feeling so much better and both of us agree that we will never go back to the way things were before.

My top tip for those of you who, like me, have had successful alcohol free stints but ended up back at square one? Don’t listen to that voice that tells you that you can moderate. It’s a big fat liar. Give it a name. Create a mental image of it and then tell it to fuck right off!!

Beautifully written by Jan and barely edited by Sober Fish

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#club365 – Ariane ‘My Soberversary Story’

#club365 – Ariane ‘My Soberversary Story’

I had my first drink at 13, and my last at 32. For close to two decades, alcohol was an integral part of my life. When I fell pregnant with my first child, I had plenty of time to dry out and think about how unhealthy my relationship with alcohol had become. This would become the biggest catalyst in my journey to living booze-free.

I grew up in the suburbs of a large city, in a safe residential home. Despite having a loving and supportive family, I was a highly sensitive child, and struggled with feelings of low self worth from early on. As a chubby pre-teen, I felt like I stood out, and for all the wrong reasons. I wanted people to see that I was kind, funny and nice; not that I was eating too many chips and chocolate bars. The end of my elementary school years saw me eating my lunch in the bathroom, isolated from the judgement of my peers. Some days, I would throw my lunch in the garbage, ashamed to even be seen with food.

The inner dialogue of not being good enough plagued me.

I often felt sad, lonely and ugly. Unlovable.

In high school, things changed. I found a group of friends that were open and accepting, and slowly, I became more confident in my skin. I enjoyed making people laugh, and soon, my body issues lessened, but didn’t entirely disappear. When I had my first drink at the end of grade 7, I realized that this magic liquid was an effective way of forgetting that I hated myself.

I drank with friends on the weekends; at parks, parties and punk rock shows. I had finally found a formula that worked to relieve my teenage angst and coming of age confusion.

Drinking made me feel more social, prettier, and far more interesting. This was the very beginning of my drinking career, so hangovers weren’t a major issue for my young and capable body. Recovery was quite easy, and the party had just begun.

By the time high school ended, I found myself in the midst of a huge life change. My parents were separating, and I was going to be moving, along with my mom and sister, to the city. Although this was an exciting logistical change, the hurt and sadness of the separation were not easy to deal with. I tried to focus my energies on music, friends and school, but my sensitive nature once again kicked in to overdrive. Not knowing how to deal with my emotional burden, I escaped into the bottle. I dropped out of college unfortunately, as I had been part of a really neat Law & Society program that I loved. During the first three semesters, I was getting straight A’s, and really focusing on advancing my academic career. By the fourth semester, I was drinking of beer in the park during the day, crying over my badly bruised heart. My family had split up and I literally didn’t know how to deal with it.

The drinking continued, as I found myself in one destructive relationship after the next. Fixating on romance became a bit of an obsession. Subconsciously, I was trying to heal the wounds that were left from the demise of my parents’ marriage. Choosing partners that were absent, abusive or struggling with substance abuse issues left me feeling very shaky and ungrounded. I was so desperate for a fairy tale ending, that I sacrificed my mental and physical health, staying in unhealthy relationships for much longer than I should’ve. I accepted poor treatment, all the while believing that I was the flawed one that was unlovable.

In my mid 20’s, I’d had enough of the bad feelings, so I embarked on a journey of self discovery. Reading self-help and personal development books by the dozen, I slowly started to understand why some of these negative patterns had emerged. Little by little, I was uncovering that I was more than just a little bit codependent. Trying to fix other people’s problems took the focus off of my own, and my obsessive tendencies kept me busy enough to get by.

Despite being heavily into the self-help department at the bookstore, I continued to drink. My self-awareness levels were rising, so I obviously knew that I had an unhealthy relationship with drinking, I just didn’t know what I wanted to do about it at that point.

I liked to drink. A lot.

It seemed like booze had almost been weaved into my core self, so much so that I didn’t know who or what I’d be without a drink in my hand.

When I met my husband, I knew that I was on the right path. For once, I had chosen a partner that was present, supportive and kind. We drank a ton together in the early years, but at least the relationship was abuse-free and loving.

It was a step in the right direction.

It was the day after our wedding party, and I was hungover in a hotel room. A pregnancy test confirmed that I was going to be a mom. Not only was I ecstatic at the prospect of having a child, I knew that it was time for some major life changes.

Although I wasn’t totally sure of what would happen after the baby was born, I was soulfully blissed out for 9 months, alcohol free (save a few sips of wine at dinner from time to time) and grateful.

Though I enjoyed my newfound clarity immensely, I hadn’t fully committed to a sober future, and my bad habits quickly returned a month or so after my son was born. I drank with added shame, desperately not wanting to be a boozy mom, but also struggling with giving it up. When I found out I was pregnant again, just three months after giving birth, I knew that the Universe was sending me some major signs. The first child was the eye-opener, and the second was the enforcer.

Mom, you can do this. You have to do this.

On August 11th, 2017, I made a solid commitment that I would not drink again.

Time and experience had proven that alcohol added nothing positive to my life, and so I bravely jumped on the wagon with gusto and pride.

Instead of feeling shame about my past relationship with drinking, I want to share my story to help break down the stigma that surrounds alcohol abuse.

Three years ago I would’ve never imagined that by now I’d have two beautiful babies, a wonderful husband and a book in the works.

Clarity, happiness and gratitude have replaced cheap wine, hangovers and regret.

I am so proud of how far I’ve come.

My evolution into a sober warrior has really just begun, and I am so excited about what the future holds.

Here are my 3 top tips for starting out on sobriety journey!

1 Read and write! When I first started flirting with sobriety, I devoured books in the “quit lit” category. Reading about other people’s journeys helped me to stay focused on my own goals, and also gave me some great information about alcohol abuse.

2 Network. I found a huge online family via Instagram and other public forums. This community helped me when I needed someone to talk to about my struggles. It’s really helpful to find that there are thousands of people who have had similar experiences.

3 Focus on self-care. This is a big one! Quitting drinking will immediately make you realize how much time was spent on drinking, partying and nursing hangovers. Focusing on self-care, and being patient with yourself throughout the process will help immensely. I started to workout more regularly at the gym, and prioritized things that were good for my body, soul and mind. Reading, long baths, baby cuddles and writing have become necessary additions to my week.

My Instagram is @soberstarlet

Blog: www.theshadowandtheshimmer.blogspot.com

Written by Ariane, barely edited by Sober Fish

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#club365 – Sara & John – ‘2 stories for the price of 1 – BOOM!’

#club365 – Sara & John – ‘2 stories for the price of 1 – BOOM!’

SARA

On New Year’s Eve 2016, I decided to give up alcohol for a year to raise money for Macmillan Cancer Support.

At the time it seemed like a wild, slightly audacious goal. Whilst I didn’t drink ‘regularly’, there were definitely occasions of binge drinking.

I’d done Dry January for ten years; doing 12 x Dry January’s in a year which included big birthday parties, three international work trips and a boozy company weekend in Marbella would surely be very different!

However, as the saying goes, ‘if it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you’.

I’d just finished reading Johnny Marr’s autobiography detailing a transformation from a rock and roll lifestyle to a teetotal and vegan one. Whilst I wasn’t ready to become a vegan just yet, the challenge of abstaining for 12 months seemed like a good one. Also, as I see myself as a bit of a rebel, it seemed like the perfect ‘rebellious act’ to choose not to drink for a year!

What I didn’t anticipate was that this ‘challenge’ would actually become a new way of life for me especially when my husband decided to follow suit.

My initial challenge would ultimately transform our lives completely.

Two of the most popular questions I was asked during my ‘dry year’ were,

‘So, what drink will you celebrate with on New Years’ Eve 2017?’ and, ‘Will you ever drink again?’

The truth was that, until November 2017, I actually didn’t know the answer. Initially I’d dreamt of huge decadent cocktails in beautiful glasses and champagne on ice as my reward for my achievement but, as Christmas loomed, I realised I had made my final decision.

I was never going back to drinking.

In a year, I’d learned so much about life, alcohol and myself. It had become clear that drinking was not a reward; in fact, the reward was actually not drinking and all that I had achieved in abstaining.

There have been so many positives during this 19 month journey but there have also been challenges in a society where drinking alcohol is the norm.

Challenges

It can be slightly puzzling for people to learn that you no longer drink. One bemused friend asked ‘But how do you have fun?’ as though he had forgotten what it was like to have fun as a child before drink was ever considered!

I had one fleeting moment of regret when sitting in a lovely restaurant on a boiling hot day and watching everyone around me ordering chilled glasses of rose wine. This lasted seconds before I realised that I was actually thirsty and ordered cold sparkling water instead which was perfect.

Positives

– You’re much more like to succeed if you have a good support network. Go online and surround yourself with people who ‘get it’ and cheer you on. Read about other people’s journeys and their daily struggles to make you feel less alone.

– Before I started my challenge, I read Jason Vale’s ‘How to kick the drink easily’

https://amzn.to/2M8SDav

and it was like a lightbulb moment.

– My husband also becoming alcohol free in May 2017 proved to be incredibly supportive.

– When you don’t drink, going out suddenly gets incredibly cheap. I have been shocked by how much money we have saved as a family simply by both of us cutting out alcohol. I have treated myself to braces on my teeth and hope to have a straight smile for my 50th in 2019!

– The best thing about not drinking for me is definitely no more hangovers. My productivity has gone through the roof and there have been no more wasted weekends feeling sluggish.

– People often talk about using alcohol to ‘take the edge off’ a stressful day, yet coming home and heading back out for a walk has allowed me to become more relaxed than I ever did previously.

– Being sober enables you to live life consciously and experience all of its good and bad parts. When drinking, I was sometimes happy and sometimes unhappy. Now, there are now no ups and downs. Cheesy as it may sound, I am just always happy all of the time!

JOHN

So I guess I kind of fell into sobriety.

My wife Sara had started her journey with a view to completing 12 months alcohol free for charity and I decided to offer some moral support. I would drink quite heavily 2-3 nights a week and seeing how much Sara was enjoying her alcohol free life, I became curious and started to think about not drinking a lot! So in May 2017 I also stopped.

As a business owner, I noticed that after a few months, my decision making was growing in strength and I was becoming much more ambitious and confident. We went as far as to set up a business in San Francisco and hopefully this could be absolutely life changing for us.

I noticed that instead of people becoming judgemental and suspicious of why I was not drinking, they seemed, if anything, to be hugely impressed and maybe even a little envious.

Initially, the test was social events. We offer a lot of work incentives to our salespeople and thus spent several days at the races, at business conferences, and work nights out where we were surrounded by alcohol. But seeing people slowly lose the plot on a night out just strengthened my resolve. I now get my buzz remembering EVERY single conversation, waking up clear headed and looking to attack the day. I’m just so uber positive, it could actually be annoying!

Will I drink again? Genuinely I don’t believe so. The Alcohol Free alternatives in the UK are very good and improving all the time. A cool Alcohol Free beer in a bar after work still does it for me. Being 100% happy, positive and running a fantastic company so outweighs the initial thrill of alcohol which quickly evaporates and eventually just brings you down.

Top tips

– Never look back. You messed up from time to time. So what? You are forgiven and that’s behind you.

– Don’t care what people think. Life is tough and complicated and people have actually got their own stuff to worry about.

– Laugh lots. And surround yourself with other non drinkers. They are fun and also clever enough to have stopped!

Written by Sara & John, edited by Sober Fish

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#club365 – Kate – ‘Take One Minute At A Time’

#club365 – Kate – ‘Take One Minute At A Time’

On 23 July 2018, I celebrated 12 whole years of sobriety. My relationship with alcohol, like most relationships, was complex.

Alcoholism runs in my family and was part of my daily life from the day I was born 54 years ago.

In many ways, it was kind of my destiny; everything was already in place. Genetic predisposition, environmental factors, and psychological tendencies; my progressive descent into alcoholism was marked, like signposts, by significant relationships with men throughout my journey.

The groundwork was laid when I met my first love at 16 years old. It was a wonderful relationship. I couldn’t have created a better match for myself if I’d whipped him up in a laboratory.

We were together, on and off, for 15 years. I always knew we’d met too young; there was no way we were going to settle down and marry right out of high school or college. And, like most teens, we ‘experimented’ with drugs and alcohol.

Smoking weed was a regular activity. Weekends were reserved for parties, football games or lying around in parks with wine coolers.

I took to drinking like a fish to water. I loved it and was very good at it. I weighed around 100 pounds through my teens and twenties, but found I could easily ‘out-drink’ almost any guy I knew, no matter his size. I didn’t learn until much later in life that such a high tolerance is not a good thing.

By my mid-twenties, I was drinking fairly regularly and often to the point of blacking out. I lived a carefree lifestyle, always highly functional, but bailing on things like jobs I became bored with or places I lived.

And ultimately, I bailed on my first love, when I met Casey at age 26.

We were together for just under three years, and in that time, I transitioned from ‘problem drinker’ to ‘alcoholic’. Of course I didn’t see that at the time; this disease sneaks up on you. Nor am I laying blame. But he was my tipping point. When you find someone that you click with on several levels; emotionally, sexually, intellectually, but who also shares your propensity for drinking .. well, it was like hitting the jackpot. My relationship with him validated my relationship with alcohol, and normalized it.

Of course, we had other things in common including a wicked sense of humor, the same tastes in music (except he liked country music, which I couldn’t stand, and still can’t hear to this day without thinking of him), we both loved to dance and we both loved to read. Often, he would read aloud to me; I still miss that. Our ‘singing-in-the-car’ skills were unmatched; sometimes he’d turn off the radio and ask me to sing to him. We both loved dogs, and his big black lab, Blue, was like our child. Our being-in-motion and being-at-rest rhythms were miraculously in sync. Our sex life was magical. Whilst not overly demonstrative with his affections, once in a while he’d make a grand gesture that took my breath away. One time, I got out of the bathtub at his house to hear him yelling my name from outside, and looked out of the window to see that he’d stamped ‘I LOVE YOU KATE’ in 10-foot letters in the snow.

But most of all, we LOVED to drink. We took that shit to the next level. We never talked about it, we just did it. It was like we were two aliens who’d somehow found each other in a foreign land and were able to communicate our growing dependency on alcohol without having to verbalize it.

Previous hard-drinking weekends segued into daily drinking. A boring Tuesday became ‘a special occasion’. We’d meet at a bar after work for a Bloody Mary, then have wine with dinner, then an after-dinner drink followed by a couple of six packs of beer at home. There was always vodka at his house for me and rum for him. On weekends he’d wake me with a Mimosa rather than a coffee. Saturdays and Sundays were spent either socializing with other drinking people at some drinking-centric event, or lying around the house and keeping a steady buzz going all day and night, tangled together on the couch watching old movies. Being with someone who so validated my ‘bad habit’ was a kind of vindication; it assured me that my relationship with alcohol was fine.

When our (inevitable) split came, it was swift, ugly and traumatic. I’ve never really gotten over it. I fully embraced drinking as some kind of pacifier, drifting from one one-night stand to another. When I finally met a kind and decent man with whom I somewhat ‘clicked’, I just went ahead and married him. I mean, that’s what you do, right? It was time, I was in my thirties, all my friends and siblings were married and settled. You buy the house and you marry the guy and you have the kids and then you’re happy.

Except that I wasn’t.

And it wasn’t because he was a bad guy because he’s not. It was because by then, I was literally drowning myself every day. Every decision I made, large and small, was made under the influence of alcohol. I remember him saying to me during an argument about my drinking ‘I hope you’re happy now’ and I shot back ‘Oh my God, you think I’m happy?? I haven’t been happy in years’.

I wasn’t speaking specifically about him or even our marriage, I was speaking in general, and my own words shocked the hell out of me.

When I finally got sober, at the age of 42 with an 18-month-old son, things calmed down a bit, and I had a second child.

The longer I was sober, the more I looked around and realized that I’d make huge life-changing decisions while I was either drunk or hungover. There were so many things in my life that could be called a mistake or a life lesson, including my marriage. We are now amicably divorced and my amazing children are now 11 and 13.

Since my divorce, I’ve been on several dates but am largely focused on my children and my career, which has essentially exploded since I became sober.

Exes have approached me looking for a ‘no-strings’ hookup but one of the best things sobriety has taught me is my own worth. There was a time when I’d sleep with anyone, any time; a guy just wanting me was enough of a reason. I don’t give myself away anymore. I don’t have the time or inclination for the inevitable fallout. And while I’m open to various ages/races/persuasions/careers/levels of baggage, I also know my deal breakers. That doesn’t mean I don’t want physical intimacy, or to find someone to love me and to give my love to, to someone who wants it and is in a position to take it; it means I’m judicious about it.

In a nutshell, I don’t have time for or interest in bullshit.

I’ve had men express interest in me who then abandoned that interest when they discovered that I don’t drink and that’s just fine.

I’m 54 years old, and while I don’t feel old, I’m old enough to know what I want and, more importantly, what I don’t. I’ve been in love several times – real, true, good love; I’ve been married, I’ve had children, and I’ve had fun flings with wonderful men who I remember with great affection. I’m healthy, fairly attractive, funny, sexy, and intelligent. I’d love to think (and am fairly optimistic) that there will be someone to love in my life again, and I’m open to it (although Remy Danton really is a fictional character apparently!)

Until then, I have words to write and children to raise. I am open with them about my sobriety and my experiences as an alcoholic, and they only know me as a sober person. I don’t want to tell them what to do. I want to continue to be a living example of it.

MY TOP TIPS TO ACHIEVE LONG TERM SOBRIETY

1. Addiction can be isolating. I’m not an AA fanatic, but I feel like some kind of support group is crucial, particularly in the first year. When everything has hit the skids or imploded and it’s all so scary and horrible and feels insurmountable and impossible to face, there is no substitute for being literally surrounded by people who know EXACTLY what that feels like, people who have done the same shitty things you have – and worse – and who understand the self-loathing and survived it. It props you up when you can’t prop yourself up.

2. Look around you. I used to wonder how I’d fill my days if I didn’t drink. The universe has a way of filling in the blank spaces in ways you can’t begin to imagine. Let it happen.

3. If you can’t get your head around ‘never’, as in ‘I can never drink again’, and even ‘one day at a time’ seems to hard, try one minute.

One.

Minute.

At.

A.

Time.

Reapply as necessary.

Written by Kate, edited by Sober Fish

Facebook: kateconleychadwick

Twitter: @katechadwick616

Instagram: @katec616 and @cape_mayniac

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